We’ve all been there-you're so desperate to get your kids to act/behave a certain way that you make a few reward-based promises. At last, they act the way you’ve been hoping, but suddenly you’re in a negative spiral - your kids are only ever good if they get something out of it. 

As well as costing you a fortune, this can seem a little counterintuitive, with those so-called rewards fuelling an ‘I want it’ attitude instead of the good behavior you were trying for. So, what do you do? 

It’s a dilemma because you risk behavior spiralling whether you withhold future rewards or give them. But, there is a way out. Of course, the ‘right’ system is going to look different for every family, but you can start on the path towards that positive influence by utilizing the following tools. 

Use a reward system

Reward systems have been doing the parenting rounds since time immemorial, or thereabouts, and for good reason. Whether you use stars, smiley faces or just a tick, this token of acknowledgement towards a larger reward can work wonders. Rather than meaning that you need to stock up on a toy each time your child does something positive, you can wait until that chart is filled before you give them those super wings transform a bots models, or whatever it is that they’re coveting. As well as giving your finances a break, this can be a step towards teaching the need for good behavior as a reward in itself. 

Let praise be reward enough sometimes

Speaking of which, it’s always worth remembering that kids aren’t tailored towards expecting something for their behavior. This is a habit that grows out of expectation, and that needn’t be the case. Rather, get into the habit of letting your kids know how well they’re doing in other ways. Quite often, pleasing their parents is the most important thing to young minds, By making sure that you take ample time to tell your kids how proud you are of certain behaviors, you should naturally start to see more of those, and less of the behaviors that have you tearing your hair out. 

Everything in moderation

Whether you’re using a reward chart or are giving out rewards as it suits, it’s always vital to remember moderation. This is key to regulating anything, and rewarding your kids is no different. Namely, you want to steer clear of excessively rewarding small behaviors such as every time your child says ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ After all, these should be pretty standard manners. Rather, keeping rewards (or stickers, if you’re using a chart) for notable good behaviors like doing the washing up or being incredibly kind, can be a lot more effective. As well as saving you from having to worry about almost constant rewards, this moderated approach means that rewards will have much more impact than they would if they were one of many. And, really, that’s the entire purpose of getting into this habit in the first place.