It’s fairly common for relationships to hear things such as “No, not tonight baby”, “I don’t feel like it right now”, or “I feel sick right now”. The partner will use a number of excuse after excuse to avoid having sex. 

When you hear someone saying those things, what do you picture? I imagine that the first thing that comes to mind is the female partner. We as a society have been conditioned in a way to see that having a low sex drive or low libido only happens to women and it’s just simply not something men really experience. 

However, this is simply not true at all. This is especially true shortly after having to become a father. According to this article on WebMD, out of 12 thousand guys, 1 in every 20 aged 45 has experienced some sort of libido or low sex drive in their life. 

It's not uncommon for men to experience a dip in their libido post-parenthood, and this can be attributed to heightened stress levels and exhaustion. For those grappling with this issue, it's crucial to recognize that libido challenges aren't exclusive to women. Recent studies reveal that stress and fatigue, rather than physical attraction, play a significant role in diminishing libido after having a baby.

If you're in this boat, stress management becomes paramount. The aftermath of having a baby can be overwhelming, impacting not only your stress levels but also communication with your partner.

With that in mind, today let’s take a look at men who have experience libido and why they may be experiencing it after having a baby. 

What is Low Libido

Libido is a psychological term that refers to the sex drive or sexual desire. It is often used interchangeably with the terms "sexual appetite", “sex drive”, or "sexual desire."

It is what motivates us to seek out sexual stimulation and gratification. Libido can be affected by a variety of factors, including stress, fatigue, illness, medication, and quite a few other factors.

It’s also important to note that having low libido affects men and women differently. When we say that someone has low or has lost libido, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s gone forever or that you have erectile dysfunction (although it is possible you have ED). Having low libido or even ED is treatable!

Having Libido After A Baby

Now if you’re having a baby, then it may be obvious that your testosterone is working and functioning as it should be… otherwise there wouldn’t be a new baby in your life. However, after the fact, losing your libido and testosterone levels is very well possible!

Studies show that your stress levels are directly related to the levels of your testosterone. Meaning if you have lower stress, then you could have increased levels of testosterone. However, if you’re stress levels are through the roof… you could be seeing a huge decline in your testosterone levels.  

As you can see, your stress is going to have a major say in how your testosterone levels go up and down. And if you didn’t already know, having a baby isn’t easy. In fact, having a baby is downright stressful. 

Although women often will experience loss in their libido more than men, there are still plenty of men who experience this shortly after having a baby with their partner. As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, we’ve been conditioned in a way to think that this is only a female problem, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

There is no reason to be ashamed of that either, we are all human and our bodies are controlled by emotions, hormone levels, the stress in our lives and so much more. It’s very normal for your body to react in this type of way… it’s human!

With that being said, although it’s human, it’s not something that we want to deal with, so the best way to combat it is to start understanding where it comes from, why it’s happening, and how to treat it. 

So now that we have a little bit more understanding about libido itself, let’s start talking about why a loss of libido may happen in the first place. 

Why the Loss in Libido

It was for a short time thought that Fathers had a drop in their libido for their partners due to things such as postpartum issues, breastfeeding, and other motherly things. However, recent Studies show that that isn’t the case. 

It was actually quite the opposite effect on many men. A report came back showing that many men were more attracted to their partners after having a baby.

The result shows us the real reason…. Exhaustion and stress. These are the killers of libido for men after having a baby. 

The loss in their libido had nothing to do with their physical attraction to their partner. But rather had to do with service level issues such as stress and exhaustion, as well as underlying thoughts that their partner was too tired for sex. 

Women who had just had a baby are also tired, stressed out, and many of them can feel unattractive or undesirable. Leading to a serious mental strain on their own libido. 

You put those thoughts and stresses for both partners together right after having a baby and you can see why there isn’t much bed banging going on at night. 

Health Issues for New Fathers

Men generally reach their peak performance in bed by the age of 18. Which is well maintained throughout their 20s. Once in their 30s men may see a slight decline in their testosterone levels, but generally as roll nothing too serious (unless they’ve experienced postpartum low libido). It’s not until the age of 50 do most men see a serious decline in testosterone levels.

However, if you’re experiencing low or zero sexual desire, especially having to have a baby, then getting some lab work done can quickly show you your testosterone levels. 

Lab work is important for all of us, but it's especially important for men as they age. By getting regular lab work done, men can identify health issues early on and prevent them from becoming serious health problems.

Some of the most important tests that men should have done on a regular basis include blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, and testosterone levels. These tests can help identify health problems such as diabetes, high cholesterol, and low testosterone.

If these health problems are identified early on, they can be treated and prevented from getting worse.

In addition to having a baby, there are other factors that can contribute to someone seeing a decline in their libido. Things such as excessive smoking and drinking can have devastating effects on your sex drive. Not to mention other serious health problems.  

Getting lab work done has never been easier either. With companies such as Healthlabs, you can order your test online and without a doctor’s note. It’s easy, cheap, and convenient! 

Managing Low Libido After a Baby

When it comes to testosterone levels and managing low libido, there isn’t a one-size solution for everyone. There are so many factors that can contribute to losing your sex drive and other factors that are different for everyone such as age, sexual desires, lifestyle habits, and much more. 

With that being said, no matter who you are, the first thing you’re going to want to do is to get ahold of your stress levels. Stress is not good for anyone and can only cause more issues. Find out what is stressing you out the most and find a solution to reduce it. 

Try getting some alone time as well, go on a walk or run and clear your mind. Even simple breathing techniques can help reduce stress! 

After that, you should work on communicating with your partner. The number one relationship killer is communication. Improper or no communication will kill any relationship. Go speak with your partner and express how you feel… you never know, they may be feeling exactly the same. Talking with them will clear out the smoke and any misunderstandings that can cause stress, fights, and more. 

You can also try doing something for yourself. Go do something that makes you feel good. Often times when someone is experience low libido, they may be seriously misjudging themselves and feeling down. Do something that will make you feel good and build you up!

So to recap, if you want to manage low libido, you can:

1. Find out where it may be coming from - Lifestyle habits, stress, sexual desires, ext.

2. Reduce your stress, do whatever it takes to bring it down

3. Give yourself some me time, go for a run, clear your mind, exercise

4. Work on communication with your partner

5. Do something for yourself, something that makes you feel good and confident

Again though, everyone is different and may be experiencing low libido for different reasons. This isn’t a one fits all kind of situation but it’s a great start to gaining back your sex life with your partner!

Being a New Father With Low Libido

Being a new father can be stressful and exhausting. This can have detrimental effects on your sex drive and cause low levels of libido. However, there are ways you can combat it and get it back. 

Start by finding ways to lower your stress and get some rest. Remember to communicate with your partner and explain how you feel. You’ll want to get lab work done to see where your testosterone levels are at and ensure that your health isn’t suffering. 

Managing low libido doesn't need to be difficult. Follow these steps and you’ll be well on your way to getting your sex life back and improving your relationship with your partner!

Author Bio

“Rich”, blog author and owner of BDEStyle.com a platform for men to learn about creating better relationships, treating ED, and, improving sexual health. Rich has spent the last 10 years dealing with sexual health issues and wants to help men take control of their sexual health with informational guides based on science and detailed product reviews on treatments for erectile dysfunction.