10 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Mental Health Better During Self-Isolation
This COVID-19 crisis has radically changed our lives. Just a few months ago, we had no idea our 'world' would be reduced to the size of our homes!
This crisis is a powerful reminder of how important freedom is - and how much we need human connection and intimacy versus isolation! Just thinking about the fact that you cannot shake a friend’s hand, or give your parent a hug can feel like unbearable isolation.
Remember you are not alone. Because what is DIFFERENT here is that everyone is impacted! Your neighbor, mom, boss and friends as well as your counterparts around the world are all going through something similar.
So, it's important to remember:
“The coronavirus spreading around the world is calling on us to suppress our profoundly human and evolutionarily hard-wired impulses for connection: seeing our friends, getting together in groups, or touching each other.” - Nicholas Christakis, Yale University
You need to avoid conflict in how you balance the quarantined with staying connected. You will need to get your head straight, so that you can win a mental battle of intimacy versus isolation. It is important to meet your human need to have fulfilling intimate relationships in this environment of social distancing.
As a consequence, having social interaction via your usual methods of face-to-face contact is going to be difficult for the foreseeable future, so it is easier than ever to feel lonely in this environment. Remember, lack of intimacy can be as damaging to your health as smoking.
This is the challenge each of us must rise to! If we're going to be stuck at home, we may as well make the most of it.
Here Are 10 Things You Can do to Improve Your Life While You Are Self-Isolated:
1) Create a Healthy, Regular and Doable Routine
As a dad who has worked from a home office with kids in tow, for the last 25 years, it is sometimes impossible to build a working rhythm or routine. I have learned to factor in the unexpected stuff in dad life in order to build a looser working structure that works for me. When we feel powerless or helpless (as so many of us do at the moment), one EXTREMELY easy thing to do is to create a routine or schedule.
While we're all stuck in anxiously waiting at home for things to get better, it's easy to lose our sense of time. Days can begin to blend into each other. A routine can give us an anchor and greater sense of control over our lives. And if you have children, creating a routine is especially important to give them a sense of normality.
This routine or schedule can be as simple as:
7am - Wake-up
8am - Breakfast
10am - Exercise
11am - Talk to friends
12.00pm - Lunch
1-4pm - Learning or a home project
5pm - Make & Eat Dinner
7pm - Talk to close family
8pm - Reading, Journaling
10pm - Bed
Be sure to include food preparation, social time, exercise and outdoor time and some learning or creativity so you get some benefit from this challenging time.
It's also important to recognize weekends because it's too easy for weeks to blur together. So, create the environment for a more fluid schedule for your weekends. For example, you could include:
Sleeping in/later bedtime
Brunch
"Treats"
Spend extra time with the kids
Movie night with popcorn
A virtual happy hour with friends or colleagues
A larger project, perhaps some art, craft, gardening or home redecoration.
So, create a routine that will help you to regain a sense of control and mastery over your environment and life circumstances. Reclaim what power you can over your own life, because with all this uncertainty it's important for you - and especially important for children - to have predictability.
2) Improve Your Physical Strength, Fitness Levels and Flexibility!
Building your physical strength is powerful and health-boosting! Not only is physical strength and flexibility life-affirming and good for our health, but feeling more physically powerful actually helps us feel more empowered and less helpless in life too!
Recent research seems to indicate that rigorous regular exercise improves your body’s natural defences against COVID-19 by producing more of a natural antioxidant known as "extracellular superoxide dismutase" (EcSOD). This potent antioxidant hunts down harmful free radicals, protecting our tissues and helping to prevent disease. So add some physical activity into your schedule - as little as 15 minutes daily. Maybe by the end of this you'll be fitter or even be able to do 10 (or 100!) press-ups!
There are many options to boost your physical strength and health. Here are some ideas:
Take up a yoga practice - excellent for strength-building, flexibility - and calm! There are lots of online options. Here is one with everything from 10 minutes for beginners to an advanced practice.
Learn do a press-up or push-up. Then see if you can get to 10 (or more - depending on where you start)!
There are so many online fitness classes on Youtube - for beginners, experts - with equipment and also with no equipment whatsoever. HASfit is a fitness You Tube channel that I use regularly, with many options to choose from.
REMEMBER: BEing stronger = FEELING stronger and more in control!
Increased PHYSICAL strength or fitness = REDUCED feelings of helplessness!
I work out with my family at home at least 6 times per week for an hour a day – it helps your productivity and you have a greater ability to cope with stress.
3) Learn with Non-Fiction Books:
Millions of people like us are fearful for the future of our families’ wellbeing and security. Almost every business in the world is losing money, and for the greater part, most governments are looking out for the prosperity of large companies and millionaires than for every people.
The world will be a different place when this pandemic finally controlled. Why not use this time at home to educate yourself with non-fiction books and online programs that will improve your life.
There is so much to be gained - like self-confidence, communication, relationships, negotiation skills, health (sleep, nutrition), how to have difficult conversations and much more.
What keeps you up at night? There's probably a book about that! What do you wish you were better at? There's probably a book about that too!
Here are some book ideas to get you thinking:
Be more productive or creative with "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore or "A Whack on the Side of the Head (How You Can Be More Creative)" by Roger Von Oech and "A Whole New Mind" by Daniel Pink.
Think (or rethink?) how you live with books like "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan (also available in a young reader's version), "Slow Food: Collected Thoughts on Taste, Tradition, and the Honest Pleasures" by Carlo Petrini, "Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America" by Barbara Ehrenreich, "Doughnut Economics" by Kate Raworth.
Get personally inspired with "Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts" and "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown, or "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl.
Up-skill yourself with "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen.
Learn about the human mind with "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell or "The Whole Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD.
Get healthier with "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams" by Matthew Walker PhD.
Be more confident and discover your strengths with "The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What Women Should Know" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman" or "Now, Discover Your Strengths (How to Develop Your Talents and Those of the People You Manage)" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton.
Finally, read memoir! Choose someone you admire, get inspired and learn how other people think - and live their lives.
Reading one book will expand your mind, reading several of these books is going to make you more interesting, help you learn new skills - and maybe even make you more employable, or inspire you to start your own online business too!
There are so many opportunities online to gain a new skill and they're growing by the day!
And with so many learning options ranging from FREE to tens of dollars to the low hundreds of dollars, there will be something out there just perfect for you.
4) Explore your Life Vision:
Rather than watching endless depressing news coverage, you can choose to focus on a bigger picture - your future.
What do you want from the rest of your life?
What would you be disappointed you did NOT do?
Where do you envision yourself in 10 years?
Having a clear vision of how you want your life to be is a powerful motivator. A vision helps us work towards our goals, take action and make change.
Perhaps in the near future, we'll all be super-busy again - and a vision for your life might be just what you need stay focused!
Here are 5 questions to ponder or journal around to go deeper:
What do you desire or yearn for in your life?
How do you want to feel?
What do you really, really want to be different in your life?
What would have happened in 3 years’ time such that your life is spectacular and you feel magnificent about yourself?
What's your dream for this lifetime? Imagine you're 90 years old and looking back over your life; what did you do that made you proud and happy?
TIP: Remember to think possibility not probability! Don't limit yourself and your ideas because you don't believe something is likely. Instead believe it's possible - and even if you don't get all the way there, you may get close - or even find something better along the way! J
MAKE AN OFFER: And if you'd like some help with creating a vision for your life, I'm offering a free Fatherhood Biz Accelerator Life Visioning Session here spaces are limited). Just email coachinghelp@everythingfordads.com to set this up.
5) Be in the moment:
In THIS moment you are OK. Don’t worry about what is going on outside in the world. You are safe. So take one day at a time. One hour, one minute or even one breath at a time if you need to.
This tip is about being super-present, not thinking ahead or remembering the past, but practicing BEING.
This is a PRACTICE - meaning you will have to do it over and over again – you will not master it straight away, like anything in life…bringing yourself back to the NOW. Over time it gets easier, and it's a great skill to have to take back to "normal" life.
So when you notice you're worrying, feeling twitchy and want to pick up your device and find out what the "latest" is about the COVID situation, say to yourself, "It's OK. In this moment, I am safe. In this moment I am OK." You can also add or say, "In this moment, my children/husband/family are safe."
Most worry is caused by worrying about things that have yet to happen.
EXTRA TIP: Reduce or minimise how often you watch and read the news! Find positive things to read or watch. And DON'T read or watch the news (or articles about COVID-19 or similar) just before bed!
6) Laugh
It’s easy to forget how to laugh with all the worldwide misery. Distracting ourselves from our fears is a valid technique for feeling better!
Laughter IS good for you. It releases helpful chemicals in our bloodstream - Endorphins (our natural "happy" drug) and Dopamine (part of our bodily "reward" system).
Find a moment when you see the humor even in the midst of your worries
What are your favourite comedy shows?
Is there a comedian you like?
Netflix and similar have so many watching options, so find something that makes you laugh!
IMPORTANT: Don’t distract yourself from the real world with laughter – it can be easy to escape and to use over-use laughter as a distraction technique. And it shouldn't be used for ongoing and persistent fears in regular life. But for a situation like this, where this isn't much that any of us can do other than sit and wait - distraction can be a great coping mechanism.
In my family I find the silliest jokes to share, or find the tackiest videos to watch (in small doses) when we find that the pressure of worry builds up. Think of it as a pressure valve release mechanism. The quick shot of the feel good hormones will help you tackle the next problem or worry!
7) Start a Journal!
If you've always wanted to journal, now is a good time to start. More than just keeping a record of your day, a journal can help you explore and sift through your feelings and experiences and learn from them. It's a great way to get to know you.
Just dive in…if you don’t like writing, record your thoughts via a voice dictation app - the most important thing is to just get started. Here are some prompts to get started with:
Today I am feeling _________. I think this is because __________.
One big thing I have learned during this crisis is _________.
I remember the last time I was stuck in the house _________.
One thing that's surprised me recently is _________.
What matters most to me in life is _________.
Describe your ideal day _________.
You may find this how to journal article from the IAJW (International Association for Journal Writing) helpful to get you started.
Journaling can help us organize the events and thoughts of the day and draw out the lessons to be learned. If you have goals or significant life events, they are more likely to be achieved or remembered when written in longhand.
8) Be Kind!
Kindness and compassion are one of the most powerful tools any of us have in our toolbox right now. Many of us are largely housebound, never mind the fear that you or a loved on might actually catch the COVID virus! So, of course we're going to feel unpleasant and weird.
Use kindness to comfort yourself when afraid or feeling anxious or fidgety. Be gentle. Imagine you're soothing a friend, small child or animal who is afraid - what would you say to them? Then say that to yourself!
Use kindness to give yourself - and others - the benefit or the doubt. Instead of getting upset when you see other people behaving badly, remember that we all do silly things when we're scared.
Imagine you have a kind, wise self. A part of you that is unflappable, intelligent and unconditionally loves ALL of you. Now, when you need it, imagine that kind, wise self is with you, supporting you, maybe giving you a hug - and saying exactly what you need to hear (not just the sugary stuff, but also the tough love and common sense).
Others around you may get uncharacteristically stressed, even short-tempered. You may get tempted to hit back – but know that if you take a deep breath, try and help them through their issue in a calm way, you’ll get the reward.
9) Help Others
Helping others is empowering and makes us feel better. It’s been proven that volunteering will improve your sense of wellbeing and self-worth. Here are a few ways you could help others.
Check in on a neighbour or friend and see if they need anything. You can do this by phone, or in person, remembering to maintain a 6 feet distance.
Offer to get someone groceries if you're going.
Help someone less technically savvy learn how to use Zoom or WhatsApp or whatever they need to get online.
Host a virtual get-together with your regular friends.
Reconnect more deeply with friends or relatives who have moved away.
Share what you've been doing to help others in the comments below!
10) Begin a Meditation Practice
Meditation is a practice that has been proven scientifically to calm us, help us be more creative and be happier (for starters). It's extremely beneficial.
There is a lot to learn about meditation - and it's called a Meditation Practice for a reason. But it's also not as hard as it sounds. You can start with as little as 5 minutes a day - and it's good to build a routine, so you meditate at the same time every day. Get a book on "Meditation for Beginners" or go to YouTube or Google and search for "How to Meditate". Again, search online and you'll have lots of options to choose from.
It helps to have a quiet space without interruptions - which many of us don't have at the moment. And for some people, trying to meditate when anxious can be stressful. If this is the case, listen to a relaxing guided meditation instead.
And so…
Is there anything else you'd like to say? Learnings, hopes, things you've noticed? Now is the time to add them here.
So, which of the above ideas resonated with you? The areas I am focusing on are stress and mental health, because so many of the men and fathers I interact with are currently struggling
Believe you have the skills and power to tackle this situation and you will! Choose to make the best of a difficult situation and no matter what - you'll find a way.
This current and strange COVID-19 situation will end. And when it does, you'll be proud you made the effort to learn something - whether it's about yourself, fresh knowledge, a new skill - and who knows what else!
AUTHOR BIO
Jim Mckenzie is dad of & children, a coach. podcaster and author, the founder of Everything For Dads, and the Dads Stress and Wellness Inner Circle Membership Group. You can find out more about how you can deal with COVID-19 stress here