How To Help Children Cope With Grief
Children get forgotten in the grieving process as many don’t believe they can grieve the same way adults can. However, grief can affect a child in more significant ways as it’s a large and complicated emotion they won’t have had the practice to deal with.
How they learn about grief as children is how they will cope as an adult. While you deal with your own complicated emotions, they rely on you to show them how to do it.
A child’s emotions seem bigger than adults’ because they don’t know how to process everything yet. They tend to express their feelings very obviously in a way that can translate to acting out or misbehaving. It is not the case. They need a little help.
Be Honest.
Grief is a tremendous feeling, especially for a child. They need to know that you struggle too. When you are honest about your feelings, it proves to them that they aren’t the only ones, and it creates a sense of solidarity with them.
You can then model how to process grief safely and honestly. Teach your children what to look out for, when to reach out and how.
Narrate what they feel when they show emotion. That can look like:
“I see you’re sad; you’re crying. I’m sad too; let’s talk about that.”
“I can see you’re angry about grandpa passing away. That’s okay, me too. Want to talk?”
Or open with how you feel and encourage a response:
“I miss grandpa today. How do you feel?”
These phrases will help them recognize emotion and how to talk about it when it happens. Your children will follow your honesty and open up in return. It’s helpful for a child to know their parents aren’t invincible and are more like them.
Include Them in the Funeral Plans.
When you include your children in the funeral plans, it helps them face the grief process head-on. How much they are involved will depend on how old they are. A toddler isn’t going to want to help choose funeral cremation ash urns or the vicar.
The older the children are, the more involved they can be with certain decisions. They can process more complicated emotions and might want a part in the funeral ceremony themselves. Their role can be in the form of a poetry reading, selecting a particular song, or giving a eulogy.
With their inclusion, they can deal with their feelings as they happen, and you can help guide them through it.
Take Them to a Funeral
Another way of helping children through grief is to confront it before it happens. Take them to the funeral of someone they weren’t that close to as a way to get them familiar with the process of a funeral.
With it being someone they don’t know so well, you can talk them through the process without navigating complicated feelings. Take the time to explain what others may be feeling at this time and encourage them to identify these emotions in others. These steps will help them recognize their feelings later on and find the grieving process less daunting.
Keep a Routine.
Loss is a complex process to work through for anyone. It feels like your world has turned upside down with no way of getting out.
Keep as close to your old routine as possible to make sure the children have something to rely on. It reminds them that life still goes on, and they will get through a difficult time.
Write a Letter.
Write a letter, make a scrapbook or tell stories. Anything that will help you feel connected to your loved one. Get your children to write a note with everything they want to say to their person.
It will help them get closure and open up the thought that those we love are never truly gone. Please encourage your children to say goodbye or keep them updated with everything they’re doing. It’s a great way to work through complicated feelings.
The Takeaway.
Be honest with your children about how grief will make them feel. Be understanding with their big and new emotions and try to stay patient while they work things through.
Show your emotions to them and help them recognize things in themselves and others.
Keep things as consistent as possible with your routines and work through feelings together.
Help them work through more complex feelings with letter writing, scrapbooks, and stories.
All these things will make grief easier.