Maintaining The Father-Daughter Bond In Adolescence

Many dads find it more difficult to bond with their daughters as they get older and grow into beautiful young women with new challenges such as dating to deal with, which can leave fathers feeling out of their depth and unsure how best to maintain healthy relationships with their daughter. 

With that in mind, here are some neat tips to help dads navigate the changing relationships they have with their daughters during adolescence and beyond...

Be a great listener 

When your kids are small, your job as a dad is often to keep them physically safe by stopping them from touching the stove or running out into the stress. As they get older and more independent, your role shifts and you’re no longer responsible for all of your child’s decisions. That means you need to switch to a listening role. If your daughter knows that you will always be a shoulder to cry on, she will come to you when she needs help and you can guide her to make the right choices without it looking like you are taking her agency away from her.

Don’t be a dictator 

On a related note, being a dictator is a sure-fire way of damaging your bond with your daughter during the difficult teen years. Of course, there are going to be times when you need to lay down the law - if your child wants to do something dangerous for example - but for the most part, you should be open to ideas and requests and take the approach that you will each discuss the request and put your sides across. This will give your daughter a sense that you take her seriously, diffusing the potential for arguments and upsets, while still allowing you to guide her in the right direction as best you can.

Share your interests 

A lot of dads think that they have very little in common with their adolescent daughters, and for sure you might not be interested in Justin Beiber and she might not be too keen on the latest football match, but there will be common ground - you just need to find it. It would be a mistake to rule out taking your daughter on fishing trips or asking her to teach you origami, not only because taking an interest is part of your job as a dad, but also because you never know when you might hit upon an activity that you can enjoy together. Take nothing off the table, don’t push if you both really aren’t enjoying it, and explore each other’s interests - it can be so rewarding.

Praise her 

The thing about teenage girls is that they often act as though they don’t care what mom or dad thinks, when in fact they care quite a lot. That’s why you need to keep praising your daughter for any achievements she makes. She may not seem grateful or even interested in your input, but she will remember it and how you were always there fighting her corner, and she will know that she is loved.

Get over your embarrassment 

Dads can find it hard to relate to teenage girls when it comes to things like dating, getting their first period or being obsessed with the latest K-pop band, but if you want to be a good dad and maintain a strong bond with your daughter, you need to get over your embarrassment of these things. If you’re willing to buy her tampons, talk to her about boys and go to teeny-bopper concerts with her, not only will you help her to overcome her own embarrassments, but you will also show her that she has your support no matter what.

Show her what a healthy relationship looks like 

One of the most important things dads can do for their daughters is to show them what a good relationship looks like. Adolescence is when girls start to dip their toes into the world of dating, and if they don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, they might end up making poor choices, letting themselves be hurt and used. 

How do you show your daughter what a healthy relationship looks like? Well you can, and should, teach her what healthy boundaries look like, but more importantly, you should conduct your own relationship with love and respect so that she sees the kind of relationship she should aspire to every day of her life.

Be respectful of women 

On a related note, as a man, you should always be very careful to be respectful of women, especially when your daughter is around to witness your behavior. If you make sexist jokes or comment on women’s bodies, you could end up upsetting your daughter, making her feel inadequate, or worst of all, sending her the message that sexism is normal and she should expect to put up with it in her own life.

Express your love 

Most fathers have no problem showing love and affection to their little girls when they’re little. They cuddle, tickle, give them piggyback rides, and lots of kisses and it helps to make that father-daughter bond effortless. When they get a bit older though, especially when they are going through puberty, fathers can start to feel a little more awkward about physical displays of affection. This is the wrong way to go because it can make your daughter feel unloved and she may start to wonder what she has done wrong. So, yes you may want to give up the tickles and piggyback rides, but keep the hugs and tell her that you love her whenever you get the chance.

Do stuff just the two of you 

If you feel like the bond between you and your daughter isn’t as strong as it once was, one thing you could try is to make daddy-daughter dates, where you get together just the two of you - no mom and no siblings - and just hang out. Whether you spend time on the couch watching the latest Netflix series go for a walk around the block or take a trip together, just having the time and space to be with each other will work wonders. So many dads never spend time alone with their girls and it’s really sad because sometimes all they want is to have your undivided attention - make that happen by scheduling something on a weekly or monthly basis if you possibly can.

Pick your battles

When you have an adolescent, there are going to be disagreements. She is going to want to do things you don’t want her to do like dying her hair red or getting a nose piercing, and you may be tempted to lay down the law, but before you do that, think is it really worth it? When you have a teen to look after, you really do, if you want to stay close, need to learn how not to sweat the small stuff because there will be enough conflict about things that ARE important to deal with - adding more tension is only going to create a wedge between you.

It isn’t always easy to keep the father-daughter bond strong as she gets older, but if you can put the above strategies into practice, you will stand a far better chance than most, and if it does feel like you’re drifting apart for a while, don’t panic because chances are she’ll come back to you when she gets a bit older, providing you’ve worked hard to show her how much you care.