The Role Of A Father After A Birth Injury
Fathers often feel like they are on the outside looking in during the labor and delivery process. While there are certainly ways that dads can help their partners, their role is largely a supportive one, with the mom doing the bulk of the work. When the birth experience is traumatic or results in a birth injury, fathers may feel even more helpless.
Each year, tens of thousands of babies suffer birth injuries. These injuries may include anything from cerebral palsy to nerve damage (brachial plexus injuries) to brain injuries caused by lack of blood flow to the baby’s brain. A mother may suffer an injury during a traumatic labor and delivery process.
Fathers whose children suffer a birth injury are often unsure of what to do next. Their baby may still be hospitalized, or living at home with supports. At the same time, their partner may have high levels of physical and emotional pain as they cope with both the difficult birth experience and the reality of the baby’s birth injury.
In this situation, fathers are in a unique position of having to provide support to their partners while simultaneously grappling with their own feelings about the birth injury. Fortunately, there are a number of things that dads can do to help their partners, their child, and themselves.
Getting Help for Yourself
The concept of putting on your air mask first so that you can help others may be a cliché — but it is true. You cannot be there for your partner or your baby if you are not well. A birth injury is traumatic for both parents, and it is important to acknowledge that and get help when necessary.
Many fathers whose children have suffered a birth injury feel like they let their baby or their partner down, as if they could have somehow prevented it from happening. They may be struggling with feelings of powerlessness after watching their partner and baby go through distress and pain.
Fathers may also need to go through a grieving process to deal with the emotions that often accompany a birth injury. When your partner was pregnant, you were likely full of dreams for what the future may hold. A birth injury may have changed those dreams significantly — and it is often hard to come to terms with that reality.
These feelings are perfectly normal. Addressing them through therapy, talking to a friend or family member, or going to a support group can allow you to be there for your partner and baby.
In our culture, men are often expected to be tough and to suppress their emotions. This isn’t healthy, and can inhibit your ability to support others. If you are experiencing grief, anger, frustration, or any other emotion after a birth injury, that isn’t a bad thing. Reach out for help in whatever way that you can so that you can be there for your family.
Supporting Mom After a Traumatic Birth
Unquestionably, both parents experience trauma after their child is injured during the labor and delivery process. Because the mom physically went through the birth and may have suffered an injury herself, she may need extra help during this time. Fathers are often the only ones who have shared the entire experience with her, and who are also grieving the loss of what might have been after a birth injury.
As a dad, you can start by encouraging your wife, girlfriend, or partner to seek out professional help. This may mean taking care of her own physical needs with a medical professional, getting therapy, or going to a support group for parents whose children have suffered birth injuries. Assist her in doing this by researching doctors or therapists who specialize in this area, finding support groups, or even making appointments for her and driving her there.
At the same time, reassure your partner that you support her and will be there for her. Don’t ignore or dismiss her feelings. Instead, validate how she is feeling and help her work through them.
Because women are the ones who get pregnant and give birth, your partner may blame herself for what happened. Remind her that it isn’t her fault — and that you will get through this together.
Taking on household responsibilities, including caring for your new baby, can help to alleviate stress, give your partner a chance to recover physically, and enable her to do what she needs to do emotionally. For example, you may encourage your partner to go visit friends while you take care of the baby or go for a walk with the baby so that she can walk. Doing the grocery shopping and having plenty of healthy foods on hand can also be helpful as she recovers from childbirth.
Finally, make sure that you keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Many people retreat into their shells after a trauma, afraid to share how deeply it has affected them. You and your partner are in this together — make sure that she knows that.
Advocating for Your Child
Depending on what type of birth injury your baby has suffered, you may be facing extended hospitalization, the need for ongoing care and medical treatment, or an uncertain future. As a father, there are several things that you can do to advocate for your child during this time.
First, make sure that you are going to appointments and talking to doctors. Not only will this relieve some of the burden on the mom, it will also keep you updated about what is happening with your baby. Because you and your partner have just undergone a traumatic experience and may not be operating at your highest level, having two different people getting the information can be incredibly helpful.
Second, take what you are learning from your child’s doctors and do research on your own. There are a wide variety of resources available on various birth injuries, such as hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE), cerebral palsy, and era’s palsy, and brain injuries. Find reputable sources, and educate yourself so that you are better able to fight for your baby.
Third, consult with a skilled birth injury lawyer. While the financial aspect may not seem important immediately after a birth injury occurs, the reality is that many of these injuries will require extensive medical treatment, therapies, and other interventions — all of which can be costly. Your child may even need in-home care or special services throughout their life.
Hiring a personal injury lawyer should be on the top of your priority list for this and many other reasons that you may find in the future. If you want to know more about their role in helping you and your child, find more information here and get the right idea. Additionally, with a personal injury lawyer, you not only get a solution to all your problems but also your long-lost peace of mind.
In addition, your baby’s future may be affected by a birth injury. They may never be able to live independently or to work. Filing a lawsuit against the responsible parties won’t change that reality — but it can provide the compensation that your family need to ensure that your child gets the best possible treatment and that they are taken care of in the future.
Working with a lawyer can also help you achieve closure by making sure that whoever was responsible for your child’s birth injury is brought to justice. It may also prevent another child from suffering the same type of birth injury if a lawsuit leads to a change in hospital policies and procedures or pushes a doctor to get further training.
Most birth injury lawyers offer free initial consultations so that you can learn about your legal rights and options for moving forward with a claim. If your child has suffered a birth injury, your first focus as a dad should be on helping your family heal. When you are all in a better place, reach out to a lawyer to take the next steps in the recovery process.
The Birth Injury Lawyers’ Alliance of Canada (BILA) is a group of lawyers from across Canada who have considerable experience in representing children and families who have been affected by avoidable birth injuries. Our goal is to facilitate access to justice for children by sharing our knowledge and experience, while maintaining separate legal practices in every Province and Territory in Canada, except Quebec.