What Dads Need to Know About Surrogacy

No matter where you are in your surrogacy journey as a father, you may have a lot of questions about the process, the details and even the emotions surrounding the process of having a child through surrogacy. No matter how confident you are, there are always unknown factors when it comes to parenthood, and that’s totally okay! As a dad in any stage of the process, here are just a few of the things that dads should know about surrogacy.

You’re Still the Parent! 

Whether there are two dads in the picture, a single dad or a mom and dad going for surrogacy, there might be a bit more distance on the journey to parenthood than you might expect. Whether you feel a bit of distance or you’re anticipating it from the process, one of the most important things to remember is that you’re still the parent or future parent, and you can make sure that you keep on top of things to feel connected to the process. Building relationships with your surrogate and with those involved in the process can be a great way to feel more involved.

Gestational Surrogacy vs. Traditional Surrogacy 

One of the most important parts of staying involved and connected with the process is learning about the mechanics of everything. Although gestational or traditional surrogacy might not impact your body, it does impact the biology of your child, so it’s important to learn and understand! The primary difference between gestational surrogacy and traditional surrogacy is that traditional surrogacy uses the surrogate’s eggs, whereas gestational surrogacy utilizes eggs from a donor.

There’s a Lot You Can Do 

Even as a dad who isn’t carrying the baby firsthand, there are plenty of ways to help out throughout the process both practically and emotionally. Not only will there be tasks that you can handle as the parent — like prepping the nursery and pitching in around the house more — but there will also be plenty of emotional support that you can offer to your partner, no matter who they are. If you happen to be going at the parenting journey solo, you can use that energy to support yourself emotionally throughout the process.

Communication Is Key 

This is the case with just about every relationship in your life, and the relationship between you and your surrogate is no difference. Even though it might not be a bond you’re familiar with, communication between you, your partner and your surrogate will make the relationship a better place to be. As the new parent, it’s important to balance the acknowledgement of the connection between the surrogate and the baby with your place as the father, but remaining open about your feelings and experiences can help you build a better connection both with your partner and with the surrogate in the picture. Communicate about how you’re feeling and try to work through it together.

Prepare for a Range Of Emotions 

Parenthood alone can bring about a range of emotions, especially as the date draws closer. It’s important to expect and prepare for a variety of emotional experiences as you prepare to be a dad. Being a father is an experience that many people have opinions, feelings and even trauma tied to before they enter the experience themselves. No matter what your emotional experience leading up to the present has been, it’s important to acknowledge and allow yourself to explore the emotional landscape of this new life experience. Not only will it be beneficial for you, but it will lay a healthy foundation for your relationship with your child.

Supporting Your Partner On Their Journey 

Those who are going at this experience alone as a single parent might not relate to this section quite as much, but those who have partners, no matter the gender or reason for pursuing surrogacy, have the unique opportunity to offer support tutor that person in order to build a stronger relationship and foundation to bring a child into the world. Although this is not the case with everybody, some potential mothers who are pursuing surrogacy have a range of emotions happening alongside their parenting experience. The experience of not being able to physically carry their child can be difficult for some women, and it’s important to be there for your partner in whatever ways that they need support during this time. Keep a dialogue open and make sure that they know that you are safe space to explore any feelings about the situation.

Becoming a Dad Through Surrogacy 

Wherever you are at or what your journey into parenthood looks like, becoming a dad is an extremely special and unique experience that is different for everybody. There are so many reasons to choose a surrogacy, whether you are a single dad looking to get started on building your family or do you have a partner that you love, you can use surrogacy to build the family you have always dreamed of.